Wayne Jarvis: I’ve used one adjective to describe myself. What is it?
Michael: Professional.
January 3, 2013
January 3, 2013
Lucille: Shh. Shh-shh-shh-shh-shh.
Michael: What’s this? What’s happening?
Lucille: It’s going to be all right.
Michael: Why are you squeezing me with your body?
Lucille: It’s a hug, Michael. I’m hugging you.
January 3, 2013
January 3, 2013
Narrator: Lindsay, meanwhile, was having trouble…
Lindsay: …great body.
Narrator: finding her homeless man.
Lindsay: He looked like a movie star.
Narrator: In fact, the man looked like a movie star because he was a movie star.
His name was Tom Jane, and he was making two movies for a major studio. One was a gritty personal project about a junkie’s life, which he only got to do in exchange for making a rigidly formulaic popcorn movie. He was living on the streets researching his role.
January 3, 2013
January 3, 2013
Rita: I’m not a prostitute.
Michael: Then I shall let you live. (Chuckles.)
January 3, 2013
Buster: Wow. We’re just blowing through nap time, aren’t we?
January 3, 2013
Buster: At Risk Male Youth. That spells “Army.”
Narrator: And that’s when Buster discovered a recruiting pool the government had been fishing for years.
January 2, 2013
January 2, 2013
Gob: I’ve made a huge mistake.
Narrator: But it was too late.
