February 5, 2013
Lindsay: Michael, it was shoplifting, and I’m white. I think I’m going to be okay.

Lindsay: Michael, it was shoplifting, and I’m white. I think I’m going to be okay.

January 31, 2013
Gob: You know what? The trick is on you, Tony Wonder. I’m the magician. He’s the assistant. We don’t need him. The real Sword of Destiny trick hasn’t even been performed yet. Ta-da!

Gob: You know what? The trick is on you, Tony Wonder. I’m the magician. He’s the assistant. We don’t need him. The real Sword of Destiny trick hasn’t even been performed yet. Ta-da!

January 31, 2013
Michael: Call me what you want…
Lindsay: An impotent man-boy.

Michael: Call me what you want…

Lindsay: An impotent man-boy.

January 29, 2013
Lucille: George!
George Sr: Lucille. Hi. This is not what it looks like.
Lucille: It looks like you’re tweaking her nipples through a chain-link fence.
George Sr: Yep. Yeah, that’s it.

Lucille: George!

George Sr: Lucille. Hi. This is not what it looks like.

Lucille: It looks like you’re tweaking her nipples through a chain-link fence.

George Sr: Yep. Yeah, that’s it.

January 29, 2013
Lucille: Is this why you wanted to fight this thing, so you could run off with this great redwood of a whore?

Lucille: Is this why you wanted to fight this thing, so you could run off with this great redwood of a whore?

January 23, 2013
Narrator: Gob and Tobias, meanwhile, were brainstorming at a local coffee shop.
Gob: I need a cup of coffee to focus.
Tobias: It’s so crowded in here. I can’t think. Okay, what is it that people need?

Narrator: Gob and Tobias, meanwhile, were brainstorming at a local coffee shop.

Gob: I need a cup of coffee to focus.

Tobias: It’s so crowded in here. I can’t think. Okay, what is it that people need?

January 21, 2013
Michael: Did I just wake you up? I didn’t even know you were home.
Lindsay: No, Michael, I don’t just sleep all day.
Narrator: Actually, Lindsay was so upset at Michael that she tried meditating to calm herself but ended up taking a two-hour angry nap.

Michael: Did I just wake you up? I didn’t even know you were home.

Lindsay: No, Michael, I don’t just sleep all day.

Narrator: Actually, Lindsay was so upset at Michael that she tried meditating to calm herself but ended up taking a two-hour angry nap.

January 17, 2013
Gob: It’s okay. She’s alive. …And soft. Soft and alive.
Lucille: All right, let’s not add that to the charges. 

Gob: It’s okay. She’s alive. …And soft. Soft and alive.

Lucille: All right, let’s not add that to the charges. 

January 17, 2013
Michael: Okay, we’ve all made some sacrifices to be here, but we all want the same thing.
Oscar: I want to live here.
George Michael: I want to buy Ann some diamond dust.
Buster: I’m just hoping to get mildly injured so I can get out of the Army.
Michael: Bottom line is, we’ve got two weeks to build a house. Doesn’t have to be good; just has to look good.
Tom Jane: I just want my kids back.

Michael: Okay, we’ve all made some sacrifices to be here, but we all want the same thing.

Oscar: I want to live here.

George Michael: I want to buy Ann some diamond dust.

Buster: I’m just hoping to get mildly injured so I can get out of the Army.

Michael: Bottom line is, we’ve got two weeks to build a house. Doesn’t have to be good; just has to look good.

Tom Jane: I just want my kids back.

January 13, 2013
Tobias (reading): “…for there’s a man inside me, and only when he’s finally out can I walk free of pain.”

Tobias (reading): “…for there’s a man inside me, and only when he’s finally out can I walk free of pain.”